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06-07-2022 15:29
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Season 83 · Week 1 · Day 2
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Football » English » Open Discussion

Today's joke...

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... is tomorrow's word of wisdom. Here is my collection of jokes.

Q: What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
A: Gross
Views: 4482 Posts: 164
 
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[Eesti]
President
what do you call a person who tries to be funny, but isn't?

Aemi

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[FLUSA]
President

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What do you call a Canadian?

A Canadian.

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What's worst than having a player max in 4 speed?

Getting stabbed.

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What is older? The bible or the Quran?

Dowopado.

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bestplaymaker2134 wrote:
What is older? The bible or the Quran?

Dowopado.


:O...that's a fact, not a joke!

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dowopado wrote:
:O...that's a fact, not a joke!


Dowopado please, what killed the dinosaurs? Was it Patrick?

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bestplaymaker2134 wrote:
Dowopado please, what killed the dinosaurs? Was it Patrick?


Tooth fairy never replaced their teeth.

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evosa wrote:
what do you call a person who tries to be funny, but isn't?

Aemi


spot on ;):D

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What do you call two Aussies in a bush?

Wasted.

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bestplaymaker2134 wrote:
What is older? The bible or the Quran?

Dowopado.


so far, this is the clear winner (sorry dowopado, but that was just plain funny)

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smiller29 wrote:
so far, this is the clear winner (sorry dowopado, but that was just plain funny)


Tine to step it up a notch:

There were 10 kangaroos in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None, because they were all dumb kangus!

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this one's not bad : whenever aemi replies to a forum post of mine, my expression resembles that of the kid in aemi's profile picture.

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theloyalone wrote:
this one's not bad : whenever aemi replies to a forum post of mine, my expression resembles that of the kid in aemi's profile picture.


If you want loyalty forget this gentleman, hire a dog instead.

#words of wisdom

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
Damnnnnnnnn.

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[KERNOW]
President
I recently started a new business making statues of religious figures.
I've yet to make a prophet.

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getting better. both dowopado & frankzappa's jokes made me laugh - well, smile and snicker anyway.

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Why was the snowman smiling?

He saw the snowblower coming.

Oh, that's probably inappropriate :S

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smiller29 wrote:
getting better. both dowopado & frankzappa's jokes made me laugh - well, smile and snicker anyway.


Well both dowopado and frankzappa's jokes aren't original.

0 points

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Where do kangaroos go?

To The Hop...do-wop-a-do, do-wo do-wo...do-wop-aaaaa-doooooo.

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[KERNOW]
President
I am absolutely obsessed about buying vinyl records, in fact I have every Beatles record ever made apart from one.
I think I need Help.

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[FLUSA]
President
This is my reaction to this jokes....

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here's another one ;) but it's a story-cum-joke, unlike all of yours' one liners :P

so, here we go - once an indian and albert einstein were on a long distance flight. getting bored, einstein decided to pull the innocent looking indian's leg. he said, 'hey ! lets play a game. we'll ask each other questions. if i fail to answer, i'll give you 500 dollars. if you fail to answer my question, you can give me only 5 :D' . the indian, not knowing the true identity of his fellow passenger, decided to go along with his proposal. as time passed by,and the money in his wallet started to decrease, the indian realized that his fellow passenger was no 'normal' passenger. when it was his turn to ask the question again,he thought and thought and thought....and then he said, 'ok, answer this now. what goes up the hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4 ?'. for a second, einstein looked perplexed. but he quickly got himself together and started thinking. a lot of time passed by, but einstein wasnt even anywhere close to getting an answer. finally, after almost an hour of rigorous thinking, he grudgingly handed over 500 dollars to the indian and said, 'ughhh...here is your money. now tell me the damn answer!'. to this, the indian took out another 5 dollar note from his wallet and handed it over to him.

Moral of the story - NEVER EVER mess with indians, especially when its regarding monetary matters ;) H

#RealLifeFacts

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and no aemi, the answer sure as hell wasnt 'a kangaroo', so better not say that :S

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isnt*

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theloyalone wrote:
here's another one ;) but it's a story-cum-joke, unlike all of yours' one liners :P

so, here we go - once an indian and albert einstein were on a long distance flight. getting bored, einstein decided to pull the innocent looking indian's leg. he said, 'hey ! lets play a game. we'll ask each other questions. if i fail to answer, i'll give you 500 dollars. if you fail to answer my question, you can give me only 5 :D' . the indian, not knowing the true identity of his fellow passenger, decided to go along with his proposal. as time passed by,and the money in his wallet started to decrease, the indian realized that his fellow passenger was no 'normal' passenger. when it was his turn to ask the question again,he thought and thought and thought....and then he said, 'ok, answer this now. what goes up the hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4 ?'. for a second, einstein looked perplexed. but he quickly got himself together and started thinking. a lot of time passed by, but einstein wasnt even anywhere close to getting an answer. finally, after almost an hour of rigorous thinking, he grudgingly handed over 500 dollars to the indian and said, 'ughhh...here is your money. now tell me the damn answer!'. to this, the indian took out another 5 dollar note from his wallet and handed it over to him.

Moral of the story - NEVER EVER mess with indians, especially when its regarding monetary matters ;) H

#RealLifeFacts


How much bloody free time do you have? Every post of yours is a 10,000 word thesis, except without the academic value.

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bestplaymaker2134 wrote:
How much bloody free time do you have? Every post of yours is a 10,000 word thesis, except without the academic value.


that wasnt a bad joke either :S

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bestplaymaker2134 wrote:
Every post of yours is a 10,000 word thesis, except without the academic value.


this part, to be more precise

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bestplaymaker2134 wrote:
How much bloody free time do you have? Every post of yours is a 10,000 word thesis, except without the academic value.


people like my dear friend here should be given counselling on how to appreciate the joke (content) rather than the number of words :S:P;)

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[KERNOW]
President
My wife asked for some peace and quiet while she was cooking dinner...
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

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[FLUSA]
President
What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.

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Hi George!

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[KERNOW]
President
I've got a job as part of a human chess board.
I'm on knights this week.

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Why do kangaroos have pouches?
To transport aemi.

#HoptoServe

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dowopado wrote:
Why do kangaroos have pouches?
To transport aemi.

#HoptoServe


Haha

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[FLUSA]
President
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, "I want to be President one day."

Trump says, "Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?"

The kid replies, "You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements."

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darkline wrote:
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, "I want to be President one day."

Trump says, "Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?"

The kid replies, "You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements."


LOL. How true.

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"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." –Seth Meyers

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[FLUSA]
President
What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at?

Donald! Duck!

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[FLUSA]
President
What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra?

He grows taller.

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[MZUSA]
President
Today I lost my mood ring.


I'm not sure how I feel about it. :D

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today's joke should be the activeness of these forums :(

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[MZUSA]
President
Two men walked into a bar...


...the third ducked. :)

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[MZUSA]
President
It's true what they say, money talks.

Mine mostly says "Bye".

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James Bond once meets a hot young woman.
*Their conversation*

James Bond : My watch tells me you're not a virgin.
Young woman : Your watch's wrong. I am a virgin.
James Bond : My watch's 20 minutes fast.

;)

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I know a guy who is addicted to Brake fluid...He says he can stop anytime though.

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[MZUSA]
President
Teacher: What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Student: I don't know and I don't care.

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:P:P:P:P:P

Sv: Today's joke...

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Saddam Hussein to Bush:
Wheres my oil?
Bush replies:
There is no spoon

/Supreme

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pigs can fly:



Sorry, I meant kangaroos.
 
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