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25-06-2022 07:35
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Season 82 · Week 12 · Day 82
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Football » English » Open Discussion

Today's joke...

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... is tomorrow's word of wisdom. Here is my collection of jokes.

Q: What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
A: Gross
Views: 4468 Posts: 164
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Apparently aemi is under investigation by the Canadian tax authorities as he’s been claiming a tax rebate for silver polish for the last ten years.

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They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full Portage supporters haven't even seen a cup! :(

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*further inserting a joke into this one*

superdad123 wrote:
They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full Portage supporters haven't even seen a cup! :(


that is, if it actually has any supporters.....

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It's ironical as to how this thread was started by aemi, and now it's being used for...what should i call it ?

aemi shaming ? or hmmmmm.... maybe 'aeiming' shaming sounds fancier ? :P

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or maybe this one's even more fancier (and more 'detailed') -

aiming aemi and shaming aemi :D

Sv: Today's joke...

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When I wake you in the morning with some Nice hot Coffee i do not expect anything, but a thank you. Not all this how did you get in to my House bullshit..

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theloyalone wrote:
or maybe this one's even more fancier (and more 'detailed') -

aiming aemi and shaming aemi :D


change your username bud because:

loyal: giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

Very unloyal.

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"so very not loyal friends never let you down without a rope, they push you over."
aemi at a very important public meeting about the survival of Kangaroos

Brexit news: "Meanwhile India (and their unloyalists) is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting".

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An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

“Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here.”

“That’s amazing!” said the one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”

“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.”

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The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50* F (10* C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Texans die of exposure.
Canadians plant gardens.
35* F (1.6* C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32* F (0* C)
American water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.
0* F (-17.9* C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-60* F (-51* C)
Mt.St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100* F (-73* C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173* F (-114* C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460* F (-273* C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500* F (-295* C)
Hell freezes over.
aemi wins the CSL.

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If aemi would play alone in the CSL, he would still end up second H

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if superdad and aurelia were a couple, what would be the name of their child?
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civilia.

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What did European Union say to the Brits?

Get out and stay out!

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Why did the Brits commit Brexit?
To show Greece how it's done!

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What are the following nations known for?

Canadians: Penicillin, Hockey, Basketball, Sorry, Maple Syrup, Moose, Beaver, Trudeau etc.

Aussies: Kangas full of rabies

Sweds: MZ SIM

Brits: Exiting.

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What’s the difference between aemi winning a cup in MZ and a unicorn?...
...Nothing they are both mythical.

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What do you call a witty man in Canada?
A tourist.

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Why do all the birds in Canada fly upside down?...
...because there’s nothing worth crapping on

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Why did the Brits commit Brexit?
They wanna join Canada.

What did Trudeau tell the Brits?
Sorry, it's full!

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What are the main industries in Britan post Brexit?

Fishing and Hunting.

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Why are the British going back to the Stoneage era?

They wanna go back to their roots.

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Why are the Brits exiting European Union?

They want to be first at something...

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Why is Boris so mad?

You would be too, if you met superdad.

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* mic drop *

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One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU B@#£&d!!!"

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Aemi went to the doctor to have his IQ checked,it came back negative :P

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Why was aemi so proud?
He finished a jigsaw in 5 hours and the box said 5 to 6 years.:$

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How many kids can superdad babysit?

Zero.

Why is he called superdad then?

Typing error, he meant superBad.

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What is superbad's life time achievement?
typing.

What is he good at?
Plagiarism.

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Who is funnier than superbad?
Everybody else.

Why pigs don't fly?
They don't want to see superbad.

What is worse than superbad's jokes?
Himself.

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What is aemi?
A left from SEMI.

* milk drop *

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Q: What does a semi say when you ask him if his jokes are working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

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What is raamatupood known for?
For being Borat's brother. At least, Borat is famous.

What is raamatupood-o nickname?
Scooby Dooby Doo.

What did Borat say about his brother, Scooby Dooby Doo aka raamatupood-o?
At least a kangaroo is entertaining. Auch.

Be nice, Borat!

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Canadians just renewed a very bigly trade pact with USA and Mexico.

UK can't even get an exit deal.

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How do you piss off a Brit?

You tell him if he doesn't behave, there is no Brexit.

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What is so bad, that there is only one word to really describe it?

superbad.

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[Eesti]
President
aemi wrote:
What is raamatupood-o nickname?


I'd prefer bookstore!(translate "raamatupood" to english)

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evosa wrote:
I'd prefer bookstore!(translate "raamatupood" to english)


Life saver!

Why is the bookstore empty? Because there is nothing to read.

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Why was the Canadian bookstore empty?
Because they couldn’t get the bookcases through the igloo door.

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How many books does a typical Brit library has?

1000+.

What topics?
Brexit.

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Whats a typo for superbad?

Superdad.

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[MZUSA]
President
Would you like to hear my construction joke?

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[MZUSA]
President
I'm still working on it...

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[MZUSA]
President
I'm not going to tell you my joke about paper...

It's tear-ible. :$

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That paper joke is total sheet.

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[MZUSA]
President
:D

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How do you confuse a Canadian?

Put two shovels in a room and tell him to take his pick.

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superdad123 wrote:
How do you confuse a Canadian?

Put two shovels in a room and tell him to take his pick.


True story.

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How do you confuse a Briton?

Tell him to exit, but don't tell him how and which way.

#TrueStory
#Brexit

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Q:How do you confuse a bad manager?
A:Purple.

Отн: Today's joke...

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True story now:

I'm getting old now. Not old, but, you know... I'm married. So anyway, as you grow up you kind of pile up a list of things you want to do in your life. Some are sensible - create a family, provide for them, blah-blah-blah. And some are... Well... other stuff. This story is about the latter:

One has only a few years in his life to do all the crazy stuff one wants to do. From turning of legal age to getting married. After that the window closes, you realize that being a teen and living with your parents was a vacation.

Anyway, one of the things I always wanted to do was to go to a nudist beach and swim in the ocean in my birthsuit. The problem is, I can't really go with my buddies. It will be weird. I can't even suggest it to them - how would that look?
This problem bugged me for a while, but in the end I came up with a solution. I just have to wake up real early one morning and sneak out to the nudist beach by myself. It was so simple, it's brilliant! And so I did!

I got to the beach, threw all my clothes in a pile and jumped in the water. Item #17 from the bucket list - check! I swam for a while, until I started getting cold, so I decided to head for the shore. As I looked back though, I saw somebody setting up a chair just a few feet from my clothes. Swim back I did, and as I was getting closer I started making out more details - it was a woman. Swim closer - it was a young woman. And closer - it was a beautiful young woman. And naked!

Suddenly a wave of shame washed over me - how am I gonna get out of the water all in the nude and go right next to her to dress? The water was cold and so was I. I started swimming in the shallow water a little, left and right, just to keep moving, while I figure out what to do. She was just lounging on the chair, reading a book. Beautiful, really beautiful. A daughter of Picasso you might say! So really, really beautiful. Yeah, there was definitely no way I was coming out of the water past the waist while she was there!!!

Still swimming in the shallow and considering my options, my hand suddenly brushed something at the bottom. I looked down and - a soup pan, dug halfway in the sand! I'm saved! I pulled it out with one swift Herculean motion, covered my physical appreciation for her beauty and walked out of the water.

Now, my brain automatically switched to a new topic. The embarrassment being avoided, now I couldn't think of anything but the fact that I had to make a move on her or I would regret missing the chance for the rest of my life. Luckily, I do love books, so I figured it was a safe play, makes me look intelligent... I headed straight for her.

- Good morning! - I said. She looked up from her book, gave me a calculating look head to toes, and went back to her book. But I was not giving up, standing there in front of her chair, covering myself with the soup pan.
- Reading a book, eh? - I stated the obvious. Another calculating look.
- Yes! - There! Here's my opening, she engaged in conversing!
- What is it about? - I asked.
- How to read people's minds. - Wow, she digs me, I thought. Now I'll just ask her can she read my mind, and job done.
- So what do I think right now? - I asked
- You probably think the soup pan has a bottom!

Re: Today's joke...

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Was it noodle soup? ;)
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