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Today's joke...

By aemi - 14-04-2017 06:12

[Canada]

... is tomorrow's word of wisdom. Here is my collection of jokes. Q: What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box? A: Gross... is tomorrow's word of wisdom. Here is my collection of jokes.

Q: What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
A: Gross

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Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 28-09-2018 13:26

[ENG]

Apparently aemi is under investigation by the Canadian tax authorities as he’s been claiming a tax rebate for silver polish for the last ten years.Apparently aemi is under investigation by the Canadian tax authorities as he’s been claiming a tax rebate for silver polish for the last ten years.

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 29-09-2018 01:08

[ENG]

They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full Portage supporters haven't even seen a cup! [:(]They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full Portage supporters haven't even seen a cup!

Re: Today's joke...

By theloyalone - 29-09-2018 19:43

*further inserting a joke into this one* that is, if it actually has any supporters.....*further inserting a joke into this one*

superdad123 wrote:

They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full Portage supporters haven't even seen a cup! :(

that is, if it actually has any supporters.....

Re: Today's joke...

By theloyalone - 29-09-2018 19:48

It's ironical as to how this thread was started by aemi, and now it's being used for...what should i call it ? aemi shaming ? or hmmmmm.... maybe 'aeiming' shaming sounds fancier ? [:P]It's ironical as to how this thread was started by aemi, and now it's being used for...what should i call it ?

aemi shaming ? or hmmmmm.... maybe 'aeiming' shaming sounds fancier ? :P

Re: Today's joke...

By theloyalone - 29-09-2018 19:53

or maybe this one's even more fancier (and more 'detailed') - aiming aemi and shaming aemi [:D]or maybe this one's even more fancier (and more 'detailed') -

aiming aemi and shaming aemi :D

Sv: Today's joke...

By leatherman - 01-10-2018 16:31

[TDF]

When I wake you in the morning with some Nice hot Coffee i do not expect anything, but a thank you. Not all this how did you get in to my House bullshit..When I wake you in the morning with some Nice hot Coffee i do not expect anything, but a thank you. Not all this how did you get in to my House bullshit..

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 02-10-2018 02:39

[Canada]

change your username bud because: loyal: giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution. Very unloyal.

theloyalone wrote:

or maybe this one's even more fancier (and more 'detailed') -

aiming aemi and shaming aemi :D

change your username bud because:

loyal: giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

Very unloyal.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 02-10-2018 02:49

[Canada]

"so very not loyal friends never let you down without a rope, they push you over." aemi at a very important public meeting about the survival of Kangaroos Brexit news: "Meanwhile India (and their unloyalists) is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting"."so very not loyal friends never let you down without a rope, they push you over."
aemi at a very important public meeting about the survival of Kangaroos

Brexit news: "Meanwhile India (and their unloyalists) is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting".

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 03-10-2018 22:05

[ENG]

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. “Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here.” “That’s amazing!” said the one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?” “Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.”An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

“Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here.”

“That’s amazing!” said the one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”

“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his.”

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 03-10-2018 22:17

[ENG]

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart 50* F (10* C) Californians shiver uncontrollably. Texans die of exposure. Canadians plant gardens. 35* F (1.6* C) Italian Cars won't start Canadians drive with the windows down 32* F (0* C) American water freezes Canadian water gets thicker. 0* F (-17.9* C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season. -60* F (-51* C) Mt.St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door. -100* F (-73* C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps. -173* F (-114* C) Ethyl alcohol Freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg. -460* F (-273* C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "cold, eh?" -500* F (-295* C) Hell freezes over. aemi wins the CSL.The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50* F (10* C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Texans die of exposure.
Canadians plant gardens.
35* F (1.6* C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32* F (0* C)
American water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.
0* F (-17.9* C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-60* F (-51* C)
Mt.St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100* F (-73* C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173* F (-114* C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460* F (-273* C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500* F (-295* C)
Hell freezes over.
aemi wins the CSL.

Re: Today's joke...

By aurelrabei - 04-10-2018 19:35

[BotP]

If aemi would play alone in the CSL, he would still end up second [H]If aemi would play alone in the CSL, he would still end up second H

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 07-10-2018 03:14

[Canada]

if superdad and aurelia were a couple, what would be the name of their child? - -- --- ---- ----- civilia.if superdad and aurelia were a couple, what would be the name of their child?
-
--
---
----
-----

civilia.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 17-10-2018 20:13

[Canada]

What did European Union say to the Brits? Get out and stay out! --- Why did the Brits commit Brexit? To show Greece how it's done! --- What are the following nations known for? Canadians: Penicillin, Hockey, Basketball, Sorry, Maple Syrup, Moose, Beaver, Trudeau etc. Aussies: Kangas full of rabies Sweds: MZ SIM Brits: Exiting.What did European Union say to the Brits?

Get out and stay out!

---

Why did the Brits commit Brexit?
To show Greece how it's done!

---

What are the following nations known for?

Canadians: Penicillin, Hockey, Basketball, Sorry, Maple Syrup, Moose, Beaver, Trudeau etc.

Aussies: Kangas full of rabies

Sweds: MZ SIM

Brits: Exiting.

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 17-10-2018 23:03

[ENG]

What’s the difference between aemi winning a cup in MZ and a unicorn?... ...Nothing they are both mythical.What’s the difference between aemi winning a cup in MZ and a unicorn?...
...Nothing they are both mythical.

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 17-10-2018 23:40

[ENG]

What do you call a witty man in Canada? A tourist.What do you call a witty man in Canada?
A tourist.

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 17-10-2018 23:47

[ENG]

Why do all the birds in Canada fly upside down?... ...because there’s nothing worth crapping onWhy do all the birds in Canada fly upside down?...
...because there’s nothing worth crapping on

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 19-10-2018 04:36

[Canada]

Why did the Brits commit Brexit? They wanna join Canada. What did Trudeau tell the Brits? Sorry, it's full!Why did the Brits commit Brexit?
They wanna join Canada.

What did Trudeau tell the Brits?
Sorry, it's full!

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 21-10-2018 03:03

[Canada]

What are the main industries in Britan post Brexit? Fishing and Hunting.What are the main industries in Britan post Brexit?

Fishing and Hunting.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 21-10-2018 03:06

[Canada]

Why are the British going back to the Stoneage era? They wanna go back to their roots.Why are the British going back to the Stoneage era?

They wanna go back to their roots.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 21-10-2018 03:32

[Canada]

Why are the Brits exiting European Union? They want to be first at something...Why are the Brits exiting European Union?

They want to be first at something...

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 21-10-2018 03:37

[Canada]

Why is Boris so mad? You would be too, if you met superdad.Why is Boris so mad?

You would be too, if you met superdad.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 21-10-2018 03:38

[Canada]

* [i]mic drop[/i] ** mic drop *

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 23-10-2018 11:52

[ENG]

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU B@#£&d!!!"One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU B@#£&d!!!"

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 23-10-2018 12:04

[ENG]

Aemi went to the doctor to have his IQ checked,it came back negative [:P]Aemi went to the doctor to have his IQ checked,it came back negative

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 23-10-2018 12:08

[ENG]

Why was aemi so proud? He finished a jigsaw in 5 hours and the box said 5 to 6 years.[:$]Why was aemi so proud?
He finished a jigsaw in 5 hours and the box said 5 to 6 years.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 24-10-2018 03:04

[Canada]

How many kids can superdad babysit? Zero. Why is he called superdad then? Typing error, he meant super[b]B[/b]ad.How many kids can superdad babysit?

Zero.

Why is he called superdad then?

Typing error, he meant superBad.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 24-10-2018 03:05

[Canada]

What is super[b]b[/b]ad's life time achievement? typing. What is he good at? Plagiarism.What is superbad's life time achievement?
typing.

What is he good at?
Plagiarism.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 24-10-2018 03:08

[Canada]

Who is funnier than super[b]b[/b]ad? Everybody else. Why pigs don't fly? They don't want to see super[b]b[/b]ad. What is worse than super[b]b[/b]ad's jokes? Himself.Who is funnier than superbad?
Everybody else.

Why pigs don't fly?
They don't want to see superbad.

What is worse than superbad's jokes?
Himself.

Re: Today's joke...

By deleted_8537346 - 24-10-2018 22:57

What is aemi? A left from SEMI. * milk drop *What is aemi?
A left from SEMI.

* milk drop *

Re: Today's joke...

By deleted_8537346 - 24-10-2018 23:24

Q: What does a semi say when you ask him if his jokes are working? A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.Q: What does a semi say when you ask him if his jokes are working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 25-10-2018 02:16

[Canada]

What is raamatupood known for? For being Borat's brother. At least, Borat is famous. What is raamatupood-o nickname? Scooby Dooby Doo. What did Borat say about his brother, Scooby Dooby Doo aka raamatupood-o? At least a kangaroo is entertaining. Auch. Be nice, Borat!What is raamatupood known for?
For being Borat's brother. At least, Borat is famous.

What is raamatupood-o nickname?
Scooby Dooby Doo.

What did Borat say about his brother, Scooby Dooby Doo aka raamatupood-o?
At least a kangaroo is entertaining. Auch.

Be nice, Borat!

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 25-10-2018 02:19

[Canada]

Canadians just renewed a very bigly trade pact with USA and Mexico. UK can't even get an exit deal.Canadians just renewed a very bigly trade pact with USA and Mexico.

UK can't even get an exit deal.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 25-10-2018 02:20

[Canada]

How do you piss off a Brit? You tell him if he doesn't behave, there is no Brexit.How do you piss off a Brit?

You tell him if he doesn't behave, there is no Brexit.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 25-10-2018 02:22

[Canada]

What is so bad, that there is only one word to really describe it? super[b]b[/b]ad.What is so bad, that there is only one word to really describe it?

superbad.

Re: Today's joke...

By evosa - 25-10-2018 20:20

[LEGEND]

I'd prefer bookstore!(translate "raamatupood" to english)

aemi wrote:

What is raamatupood-o nickname?

I'd prefer bookstore!(translate "raamatupood" to english)

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 26-10-2018 03:00

[Canada]

Life saver! Why is the bookstore empty? Because there is nothing to read.

evosa wrote:

I'd prefer bookstore!(translate "raamatupood" to english)

Life saver!

Why is the bookstore empty? Because there is nothing to read.

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 27-10-2018 12:27

[ENG]

Why was the Canadian bookstore empty? Because they couldn’t get the bookcases through the igloo door.Why was the Canadian bookstore empty?
Because they couldn’t get the bookcases through the igloo door.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 28-10-2018 01:48

[Canada]

How many books does a typical Brit library has? 1000+. What topics? Brexit.How many books does a typical Brit library has?

1000+.

What topics?
Brexit.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 14-11-2018 04:20

[Canada]

Whats a typo for superbad? Superdad.Whats a typo for superbad?

Superdad.

Re: Today's joke...

By tree_amigos - 23-12-2018 03:59

[MZUSA]
President

Would you like to hear my construction joke?Would you like to hear my construction joke?

Re: Today's joke...

By tree_amigos - 23-12-2018 03:59

[MZUSA]
President

I'm still working on it...I'm still working on it...

Re: Today's joke...

By tree_amigos - 30-12-2018 18:09

[MZUSA]
President

I'm not going to tell you my joke about paper... It's tear-ible. [:$]I'm not going to tell you my joke about paper...

It's tear-ible.

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 31-12-2018 13:51

[ENG]

That paper joke is total sheet.That paper joke is total sheet.

Re: Today's joke...

By tree_amigos - 03-01-2019 06:10

[MZUSA]
President

[:D]

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 16-01-2019 19:45

[ENG]

How do you confuse a Canadian? Put two shovels in a room and tell him to take his pick.How do you confuse a Canadian?

Put two shovels in a room and tell him to take his pick.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 17-01-2019 04:29

[Canada]

True story.

superdad123 wrote:

How do you confuse a Canadian?

Put two shovels in a room and tell him to take his pick.

True story.

Re: Today's joke...

By aemi - 17-01-2019 04:41

[Canada]

How do you confuse a Briton? Tell him to exit, but don't tell him how and which way. #TrueStory #BrexitHow do you confuse a Briton?

Tell him to exit, but don't tell him how and which way.

#TrueStory
#Brexit

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 17-01-2019 11:52

[ENG]

Q:How do you confuse a bad manager? A:Purple.Q:How do you confuse a bad manager?
A:Purple.

Отн: Today's joke...

By stoilov - 25-01-2019 21:20

[EW]

True story now: I'm getting old now. Not old, but, you know... I'm married. So anyway, as you grow up you kind of pile up a list of things you want to do in your life. Some are sensible - create a family, provide for them, blah-blah-blah. And some are... Well... [b]other[/b] stuff. This story is about the latter: One has only a few years in his life to do all the crazy stuff one wants to do. From turning of legal age to getting married. After that the window closes, you realize that being a teen and living with your parents was a vacation. Anyway, one of the things I always wanted to do was to go to a nudist beach and swim in the ocean in my birthsuit. The problem is, I can't really go with my buddies. It will be weird. I can't even suggest it to them - how would that look? This problem bugged me for a while, but in the end I came up with a solution. I just have to wake up real early one morning and sneak out to the nudist beach by myself. It was so simple, it's brilliant! And so I did! I got to the beach, threw all my clothes in a pile and jumped in the water. Item #17 from the bucket list - check! I swam for a while, until I started getting cold, so I decided to head for the shore. As I looked back though, I saw somebody setting up a chair just a few feet from my clothes. Swim back I did, and as I was getting closer I started making out more details - it was a woman. Swim closer - it was a young woman. And closer - it was a beautiful young woman. And naked! Suddenly a wave of shame washed over me - how am I gonna get out of the water all in the nude and go right next to her to dress? The water was cold and so was I. I started swimming in the shallow water a little, left and right, just to keep moving, while I figure out what to do. She was just lounging on the chair, reading a book. Beautiful, really beautiful. A daughter of Picasso you might say! So really, really beautiful. Yeah, there was definitely no way I was coming out of the water past the waist while she was there!!! Still swimming in the shallow and considering my options, my hand suddenly brushed something at the bottom. I looked down and - a soup pan, dug halfway in the sand! I'm saved! I pulled it out with one swift Herculean motion, covered my physical appreciation for her beauty and walked out of the water. Now, my brain automatically switched to a new topic. The embarrassment being avoided, now I couldn't think of anything but the fact that I had to make a move on her or I would regret missing the chance for the rest of my life. Luckily, I do love books, so I figured it was a safe play, makes me look intelligent... I headed straight for her. - Good morning! - I said. She looked up from her book, gave me a calculating look head to toes, and went back to her book. But I was not giving up, standing there in front of her chair, covering myself with the soup pan. - Reading a book, eh? - I stated the obvious. Another calculating look. - Yes! - There! Here's my opening, she engaged in conversing! - What is it about? - I asked. - How to read people's minds. - Wow, she digs me, I thought. Now I'll just ask her can she read my mind, and job done. - So what do I think right now? - I asked - You probably think the soup pan has a bottom!True story now:

I'm getting old now. Not old, but, you know... I'm married. So anyway, as you grow up you kind of pile up a list of things you want to do in your life. Some are sensible - create a family, provide for them, blah-blah-blah. And some are... Well... other stuff. This story is about the latter:

One has only a few years in his life to do all the crazy stuff one wants to do. From turning of legal age to getting married. After that the window closes, you realize that being a teen and living with your parents was a vacation.

Anyway, one of the things I always wanted to do was to go to a nudist beach and swim in the ocean in my birthsuit. The problem is, I can't really go with my buddies. It will be weird. I can't even suggest it to them - how would that look?
This problem bugged me for a while, but in the end I came up with a solution. I just have to wake up real early one morning and sneak out to the nudist beach by myself. It was so simple, it's brilliant! And so I did!

I got to the beach, threw all my clothes in a pile and jumped in the water. Item #17 from the bucket list - check! I swam for a while, until I started getting cold, so I decided to head for the shore. As I looked back though, I saw somebody setting up a chair just a few feet from my clothes. Swim back I did, and as I was getting closer I started making out more details - it was a woman. Swim closer - it was a young woman. And closer - it was a beautiful young woman. And naked!

Suddenly a wave of shame washed over me - how am I gonna get out of the water all in the nude and go right next to her to dress? The water was cold and so was I. I started swimming in the shallow water a little, left and right, just to keep moving, while I figure out what to do. She was just lounging on the chair, reading a book. Beautiful, really beautiful. A daughter of Picasso you might say! So really, really beautiful. Yeah, there was definitely no way I was coming out of the water past the waist while she was there!!!

Still swimming in the shallow and considering my options, my hand suddenly brushed something at the bottom. I looked down and - a soup pan, dug halfway in the sand! I'm saved! I pulled it out with one swift Herculean motion, covered my physical appreciation for her beauty and walked out of the water.

Now, my brain automatically switched to a new topic. The embarrassment being avoided, now I couldn't think of anything but the fact that I had to make a move on her or I would regret missing the chance for the rest of my life. Luckily, I do love books, so I figured it was a safe play, makes me look intelligent... I headed straight for her.

- Good morning! - I said. She looked up from her book, gave me a calculating look head to toes, and went back to her book. But I was not giving up, standing there in front of her chair, covering myself with the soup pan.
- Reading a book, eh? - I stated the obvious. Another calculating look.
- Yes! - There! Here's my opening, she engaged in conversing!
- What is it about? - I asked.
- How to read people's minds. - Wow, she digs me, I thought. Now I'll just ask her can she read my mind, and job done.
- So what do I think right now? - I asked
- You probably think the soup pan has a bottom!

Re: Today's joke...

By superdad123 - 25-01-2019 21:42

[ENG]

Was it noodle soup? ;)Was it noodle soup? ;)

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